I Need To Let You Go
But it’s not in the way that you or many other people may think.
When we think of the term “letting go”, an especially prominent term in Buddhism for releasing attachment, desire and control, it isn’t necessarily how it sounds. When we let go, it doesn’t mean that we no longer care about the person or that we do not love them anymore. It means we simply want to give them the space and room to feel free enough to be all they can be…all they desire to be. It means that I love you enough, that I want you to be all you can be, whether I am there or not.
For those of us who have had tumultuous and traumatic events happen, especially in our younger years, letting go is often met with resistance; at least it has been for me. Letting go isn’t as easy or “natural” as it may be to other people but is met instead with brutal anxiety, nightmares; waking up sweating and checking your phone — A constant reassurance to yourself of finding your inner strength, needing to breathe and put trust into the universe with good intention, faith and energy.
It is within all of us to cling desperately to that which is met with giving us a relief of some sort, whether that be filling a childhood void, an empty heart or even a temporary reassurance. I am lucky enough to have that “someone” in my life who makes it a point for me to know, aside from all my issues, that I deserve to be happy and that that is all they want for me. But not all of us are met with this luck and I haven’t been in the past. And with it, I have learned, that even though I have that in my life, it’s an inner, constant battle that not even they can fix. And no matter how many “I love you’s” or “you’re beautiful” are whispered, or words of acceptance or loving space given for me to grow, this truly is an inner battle. A battle that always reverts back to learning to love yourself.
I have been blessed to experience and still experience true love and will always keep it in my heart. And with this true love that is broken down years after the infatuation stage, the butterfly stage and the stage of seeing the other person for who they truly are… is the love that learns to let go. The love that is greater than it is in the movies. The love that looks at you, tears, scars, issues and all, kisses your forehead and says, “hey…we’ll get through this”. It is the love that is met with two people who know that you need to put the work in. It’s not a love that takes advantage of the true love given as an anchor to cling to but a love that makes you want to continue to grow and be better… not exhaustingly, but mindfully and with awareness and love.
We have all experienced pain and have witnessed or felt heartbreak but in the end, our present moment is all we will ever have for eternity. And with this present moment, we have the beautiful ability to let go.
