Love (In Itself) Is Not Enough

While the title itself may not ring to be a source of comfort, I have found that with time and experience, it is very true. And while it may be seen as a negative thing to many, with the right perspective, it is actually quite romantic.

When I was a teenager, there was a movie I saw with a certain scene in it that rubbed me the wrong way (if I remembered the title I’d obviously insert here). It had this married couple in it that had been together for quite awhile. They were telling their friends that while they loved eachother more than anything, if they were unhappy or wanted something to change, they would tell eachother immediately; no holding back. They made no empty promises on “forever”, nor did they live their life and love in hollow dishonesty.

When I had seen this as a kid, it upset me. That’s not romantic, I thought. That’s a breeding ground for anxiety. They should live happily ever after even if they aren’t…right? I wouldn’t have wanted my spouse to tell me they were unhappy or felt they were better off to leave for both of our sakes. And it wasn’t until I was older that it dawned on me how special this scene and connection truly was.

Whether we want to believe it or not, we do not own our partners and we do not technically need them. While we are younger, our relationships tend to lean towards being a source of making us happy and “comfortable” rather than both people happy as a unit. Our partners are individual human beings with their own needs, interests and unique colors that make them them; and it is those very individual things that make us drawn to them.

However, over time, it is natural for those colors to seemingly fade right before us. And it is within the strong partnerships, that these downfalls can be looked straight in the eye together, side by side and be spoken through, molded together and built up even stronger over time. And through some other partnerships… this cannot seem to always happen.

It is not necessarily that we are at fault for our own demise in love (or maybe we very much are)… but as time goes on, I begin to question whether the whole basis of “meant to be” may be actual reality. And while it may not seem like the most romantic plethora of ideas or desires to know for certain, that while it may not randomly work out with one person, it may with another (for a reason we may not ever know)… maybe the way that we have viewed “romance” has been wrong all along.

Our various sources of media have completely distorted what we deem as “healthy” in romantic relationships and make us learn that by screaming at eachother then bringing us flowers, it is alright. Or that by not meeting our values and needs time and time again but thinking that they are “nice enough” is grounds to settle…needs to stop.

It is the person that chooses to stay through the trials and work through things that can be deemed as truly romantic. The person who understands that both parties are far from perfect but that is okay. The person who understands that their partner is their own special, individual who brings their own uniqueness to the relationship that makes it truly beautiful. The person who knows that love is a choice and persistent action rather than a “feeling”.

We should never expect to drain ourselves dry in our relationships. And it is important to know that it is not meant to fill every single void inside of us for a reason…but to rather see what we can bring to the table together and witness what can blossom beautifully in unison. In all honesty, to me, there is nothing more romantic than that…